“I didn’t feel the rush of love. I didn’t feel the high. I felt confusion, shock—and silence.”
You’ll hear about it often—among midwives, doulas, birth keepers, and mothers. That unforgettable birth high.
It’s said to come in a wave—an overwhelming surge of oxytocin that follows the final push. A natural euphoria. A golden hour full of skin-to-skin, love, and the beginning of a lifelong bond.
But… what if you don’t feel it?
That was my story. I didn’t experience the birth high. And for a long time, I silently wondered:
Where did I go wrong?
I Did Everything 'Right'... So Why Didn’t I Feel It?
I had a natural, unmedicated birth. I wasn’t induced. I wasn’t on any pain relief.
I followed a hypnobirthing approach. I mapped my birth plan.
And yet—when my daughter was born, I didn’t feel the rush of love everyone talks about. I didn’t feel like I’d just met the love of my life. I didn’t feel… much of anything at all.
“I thought something was wrong with me. But the truth is, this happens more often than we’re told.”
There are so many invisible factors that shape a birth experience—
Hormones, fear, trauma, exhaustion, the environment, past experiences.
Sometimes, despite everything, you just need time. And that’s okay.
My Labour: Where It Shifted
My labour lasted over 24 hours.
By hour 18, I was trembling, freezing, overheating, shaking again—cycling in and out of adrenaline-fueled chaos.
Despite my birth plan, I accepted a cervical check at the hospital—something I hadn’t planned to do. And when I heard “3cm,” I felt devastated.
Not because of the number itself, but because in that moment, I felt like I had failed.
“The second I walked into the hospital, I stopped trusting my body—and started giving that trust away.”
It may have been the change of environment—the lights, the noise, the cold, clinical energy—but something in me switched off. I didn’t feel safe anymore.
My body tensed. My adrenaline spiked. And oxytocin—the hormone of love and labour—couldn't work in that state.
The Birth: A Beautiful Blur
After more than a day of labour, I pushed out my baby girl.
The actual moment was a blur. She came out so fast the midwives fumbled to catch her. One of them pulled off my TENS machine and said, “Reach down and pick up your baby.”
But I couldn’t.
I didn’t move.
“What the f**k just happened to me?”
“Was this really my baby?”
I didn’t even feel right holding her at first—and this feeling lingered longer than I care to admit.
The Aftermath: Learning to Trust Myself
That lack of immediate connection played heavily on me. It made me question my instincts.
It made me seek external advice over my own intuition.
And it took time—a lot of time—to rebuild that trust in myself.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
💛 Not everyone feels that birth high. That doesn’t make your birth any less valid.
💛 It doesn’t mean you’re broken. Or ungrateful. Or a bad mother.
💛 Sometimes, bonding takes time. Sometimes, healing takes time.
Let’s Talk About It
This is a conversation that deserves space in pregnancy and motherhood circles.
Not to scare—but to prepare. To normalize. To support.
If you’ve ever wondered why you didn’t feel what others describe—you are not alone.
I'd love to hear your story.
Did you experience a birth high?
Did it take time to bond?
What did those first moments feel like for you?
👇 Leave a comment below. Let’s hold space for all birth experiences—the raw, the real, and everything in between.
With love,
A mother who now knows healing is not linear, and love comes in many waves.
1 comment
I love this so much , thank you for telling your story. As someone who had an emergency c-section and felt like I’d been hit by a truck post – birth, it does give me comfort knowing that a natural birth does not guarantee that “high” everyone talks about because I truly felt like I’d missed out due to the c-section birth. But bonding does take time, babies are the only humans we are expected to “love” in an instant , but really sometimes we just need to allow that love to unfold and evolve over time- and that’s just as beautiful.